Who You Gonna Call? Facing Fears & Friends

It’s 10:15 p.m. on Sunday night, and I’ve got the jitters over a medical procedure I was about to have early in the week. Freaked out about its safety, did I do my due diligence about finding out about the ins and outs? Was I overreacting, was I under reacting? My husband, the scientist, said “it’ll be fine,” and went to bed. I couldn’t sleep.

My friend AJ is a night owl and someone who has been through many, many medical procedures having survived cancer more than eight years ago. So, I picked up a phone… which, I must say, I rarely do unless it’s a real friend emergency–death, divorce, career crisis.

First, my friend was happy to hear from me. We dissected the medical language about why the doctor probably ordered this procedure. Then AJ said, “Is that the procedure in the donut, or where you go in a tube and they ask if you’re claustrophobic?” She went on to say, “I’ve had everything done to me and I’m still kicking.” That she is!

I realized that it wasn’t really about the medical procedure, it was about our car being rear ended, no heat in a cold snap (California not New York), our picture window smashed by a ball, my computer crashing, and a close relative dying on Christmas Eve. This all happened within a few months.

Fear. Unpredictable, what’s happening?… all symbolized in this medical procedure. I’ve read a lot about the brain, so I know where fear comes from, intellectually–even imagined fear–but that doesn’t mean a damn thing late on a Sunday night when my mind is in over-drive.

A fear can be real such as being chased through the woods on a foggy night; or, it can be imagined, fear of heights, spiders, public speaking, or medical procedures. It all comes from the same part of the brain.

The realization that I had a friend to call, and that that friend is happy to hear from me, shows that the system I set up to manage and organize my friends in my extended network, works.

It’s about concentrating on friends you really value and spending less time on friends who are friendly acquaintances. We will all experience fear, but many have not experienced how to face, dissect and dissolve this fear by calling a close friend at 10 p.m., a friend who is happy to help you with love.

Remember… a great friend starts with you!